G is for God

{My A to Z Challenge for 2013 has the cool theme of being chronically ill. It’s going to be fun, so stick around!

Wow, we’re already 1/4 of the way done with the challenge! How exciting. I was actually disappointed when I realized about 20 minutes after waking up yesterday that I’m not supposed to do the challenge on Sundays. 
G is for God

Today I’m going to do something different. I’m posting a little snippet from my prayer journal. I didn’t write it for this, but I thought it fit; I’m leaving it just how I wrote it. I think it shows how much God has been there for me during this time that I haven’t felt well. It shows some of the things that He’s been teaching me and reminding me. {Side note: When I talk about doing ‘great things’, it’s because I believe that all people were born for a reason, for a purpose. Some people do amazing things with their lives, others waste them. I want to do what I was born for.}

Six years. It’s been almost six years of my life. I’m twenty and a half. I got Lyme Disease when I was fourteen and a half. I don’t know what it’s like to exist in a healthy state of being. I don’t know what it’s like to feel well. I don’t know what it’s like to have normal health. But I want to know. I desire that. I’m striving for it. Working towards it. Reaching with all I have. It is a prize I want to attain, a status I beg for. Father, I know that life and death are in Your hands. I know You can heal me. I know You can work though the things I’m taking to help me get better. 

Father, please do a work in me and help me to get well. Only when it’s Your timing though. As much as I want all these things, I know that it needs to be in Your timing, or else it’s not good enough for me. It’s not good enough meaning that I want what is best, and I know that You’re outside of time. You are working to achieve what You want to achieve in me, and timing isn’t what matters, results are what matter. 

Wow, that was an epic thought right there. I actually hadn’t thought of that in that way for a while. I had forgotten it, I guess. But it does make sense, ever so much sense. You’re not confined by time. You aren’t bound by the laws that govern finite people here in the world. You can do Your work without the chains that keep us down. And You can and will do great things through me, because I am Your child and I’m ready and at Your service. 

You say that when You start a good work, You’ll complete it. You’ve started a good work in me and I’m counting on You to continue leading me. To complete this work. To help me move forward. I think that You have really amazing plans for me, that You have things I can’t even imagine. I just need help getting there. I really do want to bring You honor in all that I do. I want my books to reach millions of people. I want to impact so many people that I’ll be able to look back at this time when I’m not feeling well and think ‘Wow, it was totally all worth it’ Because I know that in the end it will be worth it. 

Your strength is perfect in my weakness. That’s something I’ve been telling myself. Reminding myself. Because it’s true. And I’ve been weak recently. Like seriously weak. Right now my arms are weak and I’m needing to rest them as I type. Yesterday my whole body was weak. I could barely do anything because I just get this really weird, funny-ish feeling inside and me oh my I’m so tired. My mind and brain, too. It’s just weak. I have problems thinking through things and the smallest things stress me out. Yet I know that Your strength can do more through me and in me than I could ever do myself, so I rejoice. 

Sometimes it’s hard rejoicing. Sometimes I feel like wallowing in pity. Sometimes I feel like it’s too much. Yet I know that I can count on You. I can trust in You and in Your plans for me. Therefore I’ll be happy and I’ll just do what I can and work at not worrying about the rest. 

5 thoughts on “G is for God

  1. Joe Richardson says:

    Your journal entry is inspired!

    So many of us face struggles, and we try to shoulder them alone. Good on you for having the wisdom to lean on and trust in God. You're half my age–but twice as smart as me.

    Thanks for the timely reminder that God is good, He's with us, and all things work to His glory.

    G: Gold's Plated


  2. Anonymous says:

    Beautiful, Aidyl. And it's all true. 🙂 “His strength is perfect when our strength is gone. He'll carry us when we can't carry on.”



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