There’s a fine balance between being thankful and being truthful.
Or at least there is for me. And ever since I bought my house last month I’ve been playing a juggling game between the two. See, I am beyond thankful. I’m filled with large amounts of gratitude and thank God daily for my little home. So many people helped make this possible, and I know that moving into my little home was what God had in store for me.
But I also miss my camper. I miss having my own special space where I could reach everything in five steps or less. I miss the uniqueness of my surroundings, and the joy I felt each day at taking care of my under-two-hundred-feet of living space. Everything had a place. I kept everything exactly where it belonged. Life was simple. I was always in control.
A week after moving in to my house last month I unexpectedly had to go out of state for eight days. And during that time my housemate moved in. Then, the day after I got back, my roommate (who I barely knew) moved in. It was a lot to happen all at once, especially since it was the beginning of December which is one of the busiest times where I work, not to mention just a busy time in life in general.
I’m working at learning how to handle change, but it doesn’t always go smoothly like I envision and work towards. Sometimes it’s more like squeezing my eyes shut and jumping out of a plane during a hurricane and hoping I land in one piece. Or at least in big enough pieces that I can be put back together.
Yes, I realize that’s a bit dramatic – but you get the point. Change and I? Well, we’ve become much better acquainted this year and I can’t say that I’m any more fond of Change as I was six months ago. But, I’ve learned that sometimes being fond and being thankful are two different things.
Sometimes (often times) I feel guilty that I miss my camper. I know I have so much to be thankful – and I am thankful. But I’ve also slowly been coming to the conclusion that just because I feel utterly blessed and incredibly thankful for something doesn’t mean that I have to like it better than what I had to give up. I’m a creature of habit. I like routine. I like my own space. I like doing the same thing over and over and over (and over and over and over) again. So having sudden change isn’t easy. But it can be good.
Sometimes I laugh at myself. I laugh at how overwhelming and huge my house seems – coming in at nine-hundred-and-something square feet, it’s not what most people would consider a mansion. I laugh at how much stuff I have to learn. I laugh at how non-handy-man-ish I am. I laugh because laughter is good medicine and if I didn’t laugh then I’d probably cry and we don’t need that.
I’ve been asked so many times how I like my new house and most of the time my response is “I am so thankful for it!” because that’s the truth. I am thankful. And I will continue to be thankful. But thankfulness doesn’t equal easy, and that’s okay. I’m not here on earth for an easy life.
*This post was supposed to be a book review, but obviously that didn’t happen. Ooops.