In nine minutes I’m supposed to be out the door and on my way to work. My breakfast is cooking on the stove, my shoes on sitting by the door, and I’m perched at my table tapping away at the keys as I sip coffee.

This spring I read a book that talked about how sometimes we can make idols of our ideal selves – we know who we want to be, and if we don’t hit that elusive dreamed-of-person we fall apart.

I think about that often.

There’s a Lydia that I see in my minds’ eye and I want everyone else to know that Lydia, too. It’s a driving force that keeps me going, working, and striving. And it’s not all bad. But like with most everything else, without balance it is bad.

Ever since reading the aforementioned book I’ve been working at giving my image to God, and working at showing His love, instead of running towards who I want people to think I am.

Quarantine was a good time for me to realize that I’m not nearly as good of a person as I thought I was. When my world went inside-out and upside-down I turned into a grumpy person which was rather horrifying since I consistently consider myself a joyful, happy, positive person.

This morning as I sat down with my Bible and prayer journal I prayed as I often do that God would use me to be His hands and feet – to share His love with the people around me. Because now more than ever I realize that if I’m working on perfecting my ideal Lydia instead of seeking to glorify God, that it’s a waste of time.

My ideal Lydia is a pretty cool person, but the real God I serve is so much better. And so today, as I head to work, it’s with the hope and prayer that I can be an ambassador of His love.