When I tried to turn on my laptop this morning it took me a moment to realize the battery was completely dead. By the time I’d plugged in, turned on, and connected to my phone’s hotspot the clock had turned to 8:00 and I gave a slight eye-roll at the secret hope I’d harbored to be able to sneak a book review into the morning itinerary.
Recently, life has been busy. For most days this week/week and a half I have approximately three and a half hours a day that I’m awake and not at work. And somehow, those 210 minutes seem to be swallowed up rather quickly. That means I’m behind in, well, basically everything.
But the crazy thing is, I’m okay with that.
I’m actually kinda in awe. I keep wanting to pinch myself when I think of the energy I now live with. When I think of the things I can accomplish. When I realize I’m living a normal(ish) life.
Five years ago I was struggling to be out of bed for six hours a day. That, my friends, was litereally my goal – to be out of bed six hours a day. And I’m not talking about being productive for six hours a day. I’m talking about sitting on the couch, leaning back on the recliner, doing anything other than lying flat in bed.
For those of you who don’t know I had undiagnosed Lyme disease for five years, then embarked on the long journey to battle the disease from my exhausted body. My teen years were consumed with searching for answers, going to doctors, and being disappointed. My early twenties were spent expending nearly all my energy on trying to rid my body of the sickness. My life was spent measuring time from one herbal cure to the next, mixing up asparagus tea, sleeping unseemly amounts, and begging God for energy.
Through those years I learned a lot. I learned that I put my identity in what I could accomplish, rather than who I was in Christ. Those years were hard.
The next couple of years of my life were so much better. I began to regain a smidgen of energy, no longer dealt with ceaseless pain, and could actually stay awake long enough to hold down a job. It was delightful.
But still. Still I slept an incredible amount. My days were dogged by constant tiredness. Even though I lived a fulfilling, excited, happy life I would often crawl in bed for a nap and be so exhausted that I didn’t want to wake up, because my energy was always expended.
Then I began to notice gradual shifts and changes. Near the beginning of this year, I would stop and ponder how I felt and be thrilled and amazed that I wasn’t tired twenty-four/seven. Sure, I might have been tired more than the average person, but compared to former me, I felt so energetic that I wanted to dance from the rooftops. (I compromised and danced in the grass instead.)
One day I was talking to my dad about what I wanted to do for the summer and he just casually was like “Well, what about moving to the Creation Museum?” My eyes widened at the suggestion – that was something I’d long dreamed of and had talked to him about years before, but he had said I wasn’t ready at the time (and I wasn’t).
But now? Now I was ready.
And so I moved. And sometimes I’m at work for twelve hours a day. And it’s delightful.
Recently I’ve come home from work exhausted, but it’s a good exhaustion. It’s the exhaustion that comes from hard work, not from a body full of disease.
I still have to be careful about what I eat, take my vitamins daily, and get enough sleep at night. (But really, everyone would benefit from those things.) I still have to consult with a doctor as we keep building my thyroid and adrenals which were pretty destroyed. I still sometimes get a little more tired than the average person would.
But every day now I know I’m living with the delightful answers to what I prayed for for so long. Every day now I see my health returning one little smidgeon at a time. Every day now I’m amazed and overwhelmed and endlessly thankful for where I am and what I’ve come through.
Lyme disease is now a thing of the past – something I don’t think about every day, something I don’t feel like I have to explain to others.
Today as I head into work I’m slightly tired, but more than that I’m excited, happy, and know that I’ll have plenty of energy to get me through the day.
It’s been a long road, and I’m not at the end yet, but I couldn’t be more excited about where God has brought me.
And now folks, I’m off to an eleven-hour shift my dream job.
(Who would have ever thought I’d get to utter those words!?!)