Once you’ve gotten out of the habit of doing something, there’s a mountain you have to climb over before you’re back in the easy-down-hill-this-is-no-big-deal phase of things. Some call it a hump but believe me, that’s not what it feels like.
It was near the beginning of this year when I felt like my world was turned topsy-turvy. That’s not a bad thing, in fact, for the most part, it’s a good thing. It’s a reminder once again that Change is Beautiful. Yet, at the same time, it’s also a reminder that change takes time and energy and sometimes what I envisioned happening doesn’t exactly play out in reality.
This year babies were born, one of my best friends moved in with our family, two of my sisters got married, and the list grows. In the midst of all that I also figured out a lot of things about myself, including but not limited to the fact that I’m far too apt to take on more than I can handle, and that sometimes things have to go.
Sadly, one of the things that “went” during the last seven or so months was my writing work. At first I kept up with little splashes here or there, trying to convince myself that I was still making headway, but at last, I had to concede that I was mostly just going through the motions. It took me a while of pondering, but I finally decided that was okay. I could take a break from writing. It wouldn’t be the end of the world, nor would it be me giving up on my dream.
And so for the last few months, I haven’t even tried. Yes, I’ve written my 100 words each day. A blog post here or there. Kept up with my vlogs. But for the most part, my writing was shelved. I knew once the weddings were over, once life had lost the we-are-in-a-race-and-we-can’t-stop feel, once I was able to actually breathe for a few moments without feeling like everything was crashing down on me. Well, then I would be able to pick my writing back up.
That day came last week. I sat down with my computer and started editing. And do you know what? I didn’t get very far, but I made progress. And I felt like I was beginning to get somewhere. And the world felt just a little bit more light.
It’s still a struggle. I’ve fallen out of the habit of making myself sit at my computer and work. I don’t feel the rhythm like I once used to. I’m so far behind with everything that when do sit down, I’m overwhelmed with all the tasks I have that should have been tackled long ago.
And yet, at the same time it feels rather glorious. I’m once again curled up on a cold autumn day with a blanket, hot (decaf) coffee, and a soundtrack playing. My office is clean, my hands are dancing over my keyboard, and my imagination is flowing.
This. This is what I’ve been missing. And now instead of allowing myself to think of all I still have to do, all that I’m behind in, I’m going to focus on the task at hand: Editing.
My writing break is over, and it’s going to be a good day.