Am I The Only One?

Back when my sister had Lyme disease, she wrote this. It meant so much to me and was so fitting that I ended up using it at the beginning of When Life Hands You Lymes.

Am I the only one?
Has anyone else ever felt fear?
Not just any fear, but a seemingly never-end fear.
The kind of fear that, in the moment, feels like fear is the only thing you’ll ever know.

You thought you could outrun it, but you were wrong every time.
It’s now what controls you.
You almost respect it.
You listen to it and obey it.
It’s your gauge that tells you what’s impossible.

It holds you so tightly you can’t even scream for help anymore.
It’s like a bungee cord how it pulls you back and slaps you in the face every time you reach out for one of your dreams.
It says: Why did you even try? I’ve told you you’re a loser.
It tells you: Hope’s a fake, but assures you that pain is real.

It has to have your attention; without your attention it will die.
That’s why it’s so demanding and why it screams so loudly.
It’s behind your insecurity.

It’s the thing that asks you every night: Why would God love you?
It’s the thing that tells you over and over again what you did wrong and why you can never change.
It tells you you’ll trip if you take that first step.

I took that first step.
I didn’t trip.
It was all a lie.
I stopped giving fear my attention; it has now died.

Am I the only one?

12 thoughts on “Am I The Only One?

  1. Keturah Lamb says:

    oh, wow. This is so relatable and ends on the perfect note. This last year I dealt with a type of fear I never knew possible. But it was a growing experience, and I feel stronger for it.. for I stepped through, and did not fall 🙂 With God’s help, of course.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lydia Howe says:

      That’s hard, but wonderful that you were able to emerge stronger. It’s so difficult when we go through hard times, but when we can look back and see how much we’ve grown, it helps us. Thank you for sharing!


  2. Sarah says:

    NO YOURE NOT THE ONLY ONE suffering from this monster!!
    I have recently started my blog about my chronic Lyme disease story. That still is battling while I’m writing this!
    I’d love for you to view my posts and perhaps leave some feedback!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lydia Howe says:

      Oh my! Wow, it’s rare to find another blogger who has had Lyme disease. I am very interested in looking at your blog. Thank you for telling me about it. And I’m sorry you’re going through hardships with Lyme disease – I know how difficult that can be.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sarah says:

        Thank yuh so much!
        I’m so sorry to tell you that I am still suffering from Lyme disease and it’s a battle I have to fight every moment!
        It would mean lots to me if you could follow my blog (if you like my posts, of course;)
        especially when you know what it’s all about and perhaps you can provide me with support

        Liked by 1 person

        • Lydia Howe says:

          I’m sorry that you still have it! I had it for five years before it was diagnosed, then two more years of fighting to get over it. Now, eleven years after first getting it, I’m still battling health issues connected to how messed up my body got during that time, but have hope, it does get better!
          So far I haven’t gotten to look at your blog, but I very much want to, and also to hear more of your story. I’m currently writing a (fiction) book where the main character has Lyme disease.
          Thank you for reaching out to me, I really am interested in reading your blog very soon!


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