My mind has been in a very reflective mood recently when it comes to my blog. I keep thinking about the end of the year post I did last year when I went through all my big moments of the previous twelve months. That was an amazing post for me to put together because it reminded me of everything that had happened.
Now I keep thinking about it and wondering what I’ll have to write for this year. Sometimes it feels like I’ve not really done that much, then I have to stop and give myself a mental slap on my noggin, because really this has been one of the biggest years of my life.
|All pictures taken by my adopted mom at their farm
Which then of course leads me to wondering what next year will hold? And the year after that? Will each year continue getting bigger and better? How will I change? Will I still be so goal oriented in ten years from now? Will I still have the same passion and drive that propels me forward at this time in my life? Will I still be the random, unique individual I am now that is thankfully non-plegued by peer-presure?
Which then of course leads me to my next point: Only God can know. And that’s ok. Because He does know, and if I’m resting in His hands and giving myself over to His will, then I be assured that everything is going to work out alright, even when it doesn’t feel like it will.
I had some really difficult times during this year. Times when I didn’t know how I could continue going on. Times when I didn’t even know for sure if I wanted to go on. And I think those times come mainly when I take my eyes off what God can and will do, and onto myself. I want each moment of my life to matter. I want to do great things. I want to change peoples lives for the better. Yet all of those things are not worth taking myself outside of God’s plan for my life. I mean, I do believe those things I just mentioned are what God has called me to, but the timing is what can be hard for me.
I like rushing. Running through life as fast as possible, throwing myself into projects and days with such joyful abandon that I have to stop sometimes and catch my breath. Only… With the health issues I’ve been through, I can only do that for so long. Like sometimes a day, sometimes a week, rarely longer, and then I crash. As in, laying-in-bed-to-tired-to-move kind of crash. That’s when I would start getting antsy. And since it happened all the time, I would get antsy a lot. Be assured, it’s not fun.
A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is His delight. – Proverbs 11:1
Yes, I know. Going until I crash might be fun (until I hit the crashing point), but it’s not really being balanced in my life. And I’m working on it, I really am. Being more steady instead of helter-skelter with life and then having a collision with exhaustion.
Yesterday my sister gave me a beautiful card that said: Just take your recovery one step at a time… and celebrate every little victory as it comes. Then my sister had written: It’s so exciting to see you getting better and better! Remember to take your recovery one step at a time, you have your whole future in front of you – Don’t push your body, that’ll make it take longer. You’ve been doing so much and I am so proud of you!
Yes. I really do have a family that is so wonderful and supportive.
So that’s what I’ve been working on and thinking about recently. Not pushing myself just to break previous records I hold (I make everything a challenge, mostly against myself), but to live a balanced life. Breaking records is so much fun though! And it’s hard for me to step back and just breath. I thrive on challenges. Maybe that’s why Mom told me I should challenge myself to rest more…
What about you? Do you like to challenge yourself? Are you goal driven? Do you compete against yourself all the time? I would really like to hear!